...

I started an online food journal. I know I could have just done it on paper like I've done before, but i dont know.... i just did it online this time. I dont know if i'm going to keep it, we'll see. I need to watch what I eat so that I don't overeat or eat things that are high in calories. I need to lose weight and get down to at least 123 OR not gain any more weight until at least 1 month from now. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can just eat anything I want.

On another completely different note.. I'm really confused. I dont know what I really feel for my boyfriend anymore. I dont know if all the lies I caught him in just did something to me and the way I saw/felt for him. I was disappointed and disgusted. I can't make myself say "I love you" even when he says it to me. I'm not the type of person who just says things without feeling them or being sure.

I don't even care if I don't see him everyday. I don't really miss him. I don't like talking to him on the phone, many times I feel like I'm not interested in anything he has to say. Is that horrible?

I've been thinking on really ending this for good. I mean.. I know he'd still be in my life since I'm expecting a child with him, but I don't think I'm interested or have deep enough feelings to stay with him. I'm a little scared though, could this have anything to do with pregnancy hormones?.. .that would be too extreme, no?.. so I really don't think its that.

I wouldn't even know how to break up with him, I know that's not what he wants.. but at the same time I don't think he feels the same way about me either, *sigh*.. I don't know. Whether he does feel the way he says he does about me or not, the point is that I dont feel the same way about him, and I need to end this before its even harder to do.