I'm constantly worrying about my weight.. I'm so tired of feeling like I can't eat what I want, or feeling guilty after eating something I really like or, feeling like I've eaten like a pig when in reality I just ate a normal meal.
My family (specially my mom) has been a little nosy, asking me what i'm doing to loose weight, if Im eating, mom calling me to go join them for dinner.. blah blah.. its annoying. Even my freaking grandma which I don't even see often, told my mom that she was 'sure' i was doing something unhealthy to lose weight.. wtf??.. what does she know?.. she has no right to tell my mom that or to worry her about something she has no idea about. But whatever, its grandma.
I know I'm not like obese or huge, but still, I'm just not happy with how I look. I used to say "I hate skinny girls" because..well.. they were skinny and I wasn't. Now I dont hate them but I dont exactly like them either.. I guess its because i feel I am closer to my 'ideal' weight, which honestly.. I dont even know what that is anymore.
When I was 130 I used to say.. If i could only be 120 I'd be happy and stop there. Now I'm 118 and my goal has gone down from 120 to 110, but I really don't know if I'd even be happy there. Knowing me, I'd probably change it to 100 once I get to 110. *sigh*
As if I didn't have other shit to worry about.
I'm sooo tired of this.
sooo stressed.
I have to do something about it, or learn to love myself as I am. Hmm... that's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy easier said than done.
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